The Kindness Lie.

It happens at some point in every leader's career, or even at several points, where they convince themselves that staying quiet is the kind thing to do.

Your teammate is trying, after all. And they are definitely not a bad person. So you start stalling. You have this feedback loop in your mind that runs something like this:

"they just need a bit more time, maybe I need to try a different approach, next month they are going to improve, I know it."

So you don't say anything and call it being "patient". Being "kind".

This is not kindness. You just don't want to have the conversation. Because it's hard. I'm not wagging my finger at you, I've been in this same spot more times than I can count. I've driven home from work reciting a speech in my head about how the talk will go the next day. And then on the drive to work the next morning I'm running that same feedback loop of "oh they just need more support. I really haven't given them a fair shake".

Not saying anything is causing real problems.

Three People Are Paying for Your Silence.

First, you have a teammate who continues to make the same mistakes. If you have the conversation with them and share something that will help them improve, that is kindness. This is what they need the most. Is it hard? Sure. But there is a way to deliver the message that is both kind and respectful.

Second, your customers. Every interaction, phone call, visit, they are dealing with someone that you know is not meeting the standard. The customer doesn't see it as "Joe" just needs more support. They see it as "this organization needs to get it together".

Third, you've got the rest of your team witnessing your complacency. They know who isn't performing, more than likely before you do. What they take from your silence is what you will and won't hold the line on. You're sending the wrong message.

None of this makes you a bad leader. It makes you human. This is an easy mistake to make. You're making it with the best of intentions. These performance conversations are not easy. It's easier to think you need to do more to support the teammate, and then performance will improve. Support is served best in the form of direct, kind, respectful feedback.

Stop spending so much of your energy on whether or not you should have the conversation, and instead spend it on how to have the conversation. Your responsibility is to provide clear, timely information.

That's the kind thing to do.

What's your version of "they just need a bit more time"?