Six things helpful managers say every week, what the team actually hears, and what I say instead.
My mouth has done a lot of damage in the name of trying to help.
Here's an example. I had a teammate come to me with a customer who was furious about a delivery that hadn't shown up. I said "Let me take this one." My intention was to help. I was protecting her, taking the heat from the client. I thought I was showing her I had her back.
Much later, she shared with me that when I did that, it sent her a message. That being that I felt she couldn't handle having a conversation with a heated customer. So instead, she wasn't bringing them to me anymore and was trying, on her own, to solve them. A couple of them got a lot worse before I ever heard about them.
I was carrying myself in my relationships with my teammates much the same way I did with my direct customers.
"Let me take care of this," was something I said to my customers all the time. It was perfect customer service and my clients loved me for it.
I was rewarded for this for years. Unfortunately, when you say those same words back to your team, they land as a vote of 'no confidence'.
Here are six things I hear most often from leaders I work with, and the ones I've said myself.
"Let me take this one." What you mean: I've got your back. What they hear: You can't handle it. What I say instead: "Walk me through what you're planning. I'm right here if it goes sideways."
"I'll just fix it quickly." What you mean: It's no big deal, I'll save us both some time. What they hear: Your fix isn't good enough and it's faster without you. What I say instead: "There's one thing I'd change. Can I show you, and then you make the fix?"
"Let me know if you need anything." What you mean: I'm available. What they hear: Nothing I can actually use. What I say instead: "What's the hardest task on your list this week?" A specific question gets a specific answer.
"Don't worry, I'll smooth it over with the customer." What you mean: I'm protecting you. What they hear: You made a mess, and the customer is really mine anyway. What I say instead: "How do you want to handle the follow-up? Do you want me on the call, or behind you?"
"Send it to me before it goes out." What you mean: I want to make sure it's right. What they hear: I don't trust your work. What I say instead: it depends on the person. If they are new to the task: "Send me the first two, and after that it's yours." For someone who's done it well loads of times: nothing at all. Let them handle it.
"Great job." What you mean: I appreciate you. What they hear: Something nice, but generic. Great job at what exactly? What I say instead: name the specific thing. "The way you slowed that customer down before you quoted saved the deal." Specific praise tells people what to do again.
Where this shows up most
From what I've seen, three places. In front of a customer, when you feel like you have to look like you are in charge. When you're behind, and saying "I'll just fix it" is genuinely faster today. And in writing, in email and chat, where there's no tone of voice to soften anything and "Send it to me first" reads even colder than it sounds out loud.
How to start
Don't try to fix all six at once. Pick the one that you lean on the most. Be honest about which it is. Write the "instead" version somewhere you'll see it (I used to write mine on a Post-it on the corner of my monitor so that I saw it regularly and remembered). Use it once. Then pause and notice how your teammate responds. More often than not, they take the call themselves, or come back to you with a plan of their own.
The words that make you great with customers aren't wrong. They are just meant to be used with customers.
What's something a manager once said to you, meaning well, that landed completely differently?